remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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