you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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