Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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