I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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