Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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