Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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