I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
NoShamevember. You game?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
