I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
