I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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