the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
