in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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