Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
