Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
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Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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