my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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