your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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