Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
