Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
