i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
