my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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