i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dude. I can hear the air.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
