Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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