I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
