pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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