babies were throwing up all over the place
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
