Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
