Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
