remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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