why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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