You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
