What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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