Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
