three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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