My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
