Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
