I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
