It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
