then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
