I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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