So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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