the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
