god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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