rhymes with "ouble enetration"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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