im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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