so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
