I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
