mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
