why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
