The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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