this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
