you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
