My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Randomize
