This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
