I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
