Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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