I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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