Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you inspire me to be a worse person
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
