I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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