I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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