I wish I could punch you in the face.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
