The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
