Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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