I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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